Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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