he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
