So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
