My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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