im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
