Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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