i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Be still, my beating vagina.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I don't deserve a penis
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
