look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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