im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
