Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
