I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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