You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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