Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
