can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
