I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
