Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Houston, we have a squirter
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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