In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Dignity is for republicans.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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