At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
