i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So drunk its hurt
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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