we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
