i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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