Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
