i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
