What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize