In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
