Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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