I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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