im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
