some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
