i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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