I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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