We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
