I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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