I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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