i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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