Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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