his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
