Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
