i need an iv and a liver transplant
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
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