I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I puked a lego.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
