My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
