my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
