You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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