its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
