So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
