so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
