If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
