new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
