YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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