i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Randomize
