You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize