Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
