You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
