Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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