and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
