I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
You left your phone here
Wait...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
