Apparently you make a good broom.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
