so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
