I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
