Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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