This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
