foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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