why didn't you poke me back
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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