I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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