Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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