I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
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