Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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