My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
