Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
