Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
